the time my dad was a ninja...

When I was about nine years old my dad worked two jobs prepping for the birth of my two twin sisters. He worked at a factory full time and part time at Cub Foods in Chicago. Something I thought was really cool was part of his security training included learning different martial arts techniques to defend himself. For months he practiced with a professional and he would even come home and show me different ways to get out of a hold and etc.

Right before I turned 12 my family moved from Chicago down to Florida. My mom, dad, two sisters and I were all living with my grandparents. When my grandparents had friends of theirs coming in town, we had to move into a condo above their unit to make room. This condo was gorgeous. The hallway was lined with wall to wall glass mirrors that had gold trim and the theme throughout the whole condo was pristine white and gold. Not really something an 11 year old and 2 eight month olds need to be living in especially if you plan to keep it as immaculate as the owners. My dad was working the grave yard shift which meant he’d go to work around 10pm and get off around 5 or 6am.

 So one morning when he was coming in the door he noticed slight movement in the hallway. He immediately froze. He waited and then saw the figure move again. Knowing the person was too big to be us or my mother my dad got in touch with his newly trained inner-ninja and kicked the crap out of the person. Only there was one problem. When he kicked the person he was met with some hard resistance. You see, the person he kicked….was his OWN reflection in the mirror. Yup. You read it right. There was no intruder. No boogey-man. Only him. I guess he had worked a double shift that day and was extra tired when he came in and it was really dark outside. So when he looked in the hallway the mirrors must’ve played tricks with his eyes lol. He’s lucky none of that expensive glass shattered. There was only one single footprint on the glass from his shoe. Oh and of course all of the commotion woke up everyone in the house and we were more than happy to laugh at my dad. 

 Was your dad ever a ninja? Does anyone in your family try to kill their own reflection? Please tell me I am dying to know...and it'd make my dad feel better that he isn't the only one lol.

Photo credit: The costume land 

My sisters are terrorists....

My sisters are terrorists. Not to the country. Not to the state or the community.

They. Terrorize. ME.

Being the oldest I am always chosen as the referee.

 Can’t I have a moment of insanity and whine and scream and curse and unleash my inner brat? NO. Why you ask? Besides the fact that I am a wife and mom, 2 of my 3 younger sisters decided they wanted to unleash their inner brat. But instead of having ‘moments’ they choose to act that way ‘daily’. I end up being the reasonable one who will sit everyone down, put them in their place and tell them what’s right is right and what’s wrong is wrong. Okay, so maybe I have had a couple of bratty moments (like when I told my sister and her bf they were acting like petty bitches lol) but normally I put out the fires. However it can get pretty ridiculous. I hoped and prayed for the day my sisters would grow up and take care of themselves. Me being the older sister I was dubbed as the built-in babysitter so I was constantly thinking “man it is going to be AWESOME when they get older!” WRONG! What the heck was I thinking? Did I actually think it would be easier when they hit their teenage years with all the hormones and a constant slew of caffeine and sugar in their bloodstream? Yup. I got bamboozled.

Today for example, I am at work reading blogs very busy and I peek under my desk to see if my janky phone is still charging after I ghetto-rigged the cord to catch a connection. I have a text from my sister who I call Twin Uno because she was born first. It read as follows:

Twin Uno: after graduation I am leaving town with you. I can’t take this anymore!!!

Me: What is going on?

Twin Uno: I am at school and I am getting cursed out and threatened!

Me: By who?? (waiting for her response my heart is beating so fast because I assume she’s getting bullied or something)

Twin Uno: Twin Dos and her bf texted me cursing me out about some donuts I ate.

 (I promise I had to read it twice to make sure I read right. Yep she said donuts. W.T.F.)

Me: Tell them to eff off leave you alone and then ignore them.

Okay so my advise isn’t always reasonable, G-rated or worth a Nobel Peace Prize. But hey, it’s free and my coffee hasn’t kicked in yet. 

Do you play referee to any of your siblings or children? If so, how do you keep them from killing each other while not being a drunken mess in the process? Trust me, I would LOVE to know.

Photo credit: Blind Gossip

My love for a green monster....

Sometime before my son turned 1 year old I was in Dollar General and saw Toy Story 3 on sale for $5. My sisters loved that movie. At the time, he had a thing for the movie Grown Ups. Not sure why but it was hilarious to him. I was definitely over watching it a gazillion times and was looking for an age appropriate alternative. So I grabbed it and when we got home I put it in the DVD player. My son wanted NOTHING to do with it. Then, one magical day he actually watched it. That’s when the obsession began. Eventually we bought him part 1 and part 2. That’s all he would watch. He wanted nothing to do with anything else. No more Grown Ups, no nothing. When we turned it off to watch tv ourselves he’d scream and cry until one of us was on the verge of a nervous breakdown and turned it back on. Fast forward six months and many viewings of the Toy Story trilogy later. We are at a pawn shop with my mother in law. Hubby and I are in the movie section and he sees Shrek.  He suggests we get it because after all his oldest loved it. Plus it has a plethora of adult humor. It didn’t take much coaxing so we bought it and put it in right when we got home. Jr was instantly hooked. So then we bought the 2^nd, 3^rd and then Shrek the final chapter which is our favorite one. I said all that to say this:

i. love. Shrek.

There, I said it. I heart the green monster of an ogre. Shrek is one of the very few kids’ movies I can watch over and over and over again. I mean with Mike Meyers and Eddie Murphy how can you go wrong? Need to do some cleaning? I put on Shrek. Need to make a phone call? I put on Shrek. Need to have an adult conversation without someone pulling on your pant leg? I put on Shrek. Need to use the bathroom for more than 30 seconds? I put on Shrek. He is my go to when I need my little guy to just be still for a few minutes. My kid loves it all. The characters, the jokes, the songs, everything. I am not ashamed to say that for the serene tranquility it gives me for those few minutes, I love it too!

                                                        

How does Shrek rate in your family? Too raunchy? Too silly? Or are you an ogre lover like us?

Photo credited to Dreamworks

False alarm...

Call off the preggo police. I am convinced it was a false alarm. Remember how I mentioned my good friend Teressa and how my cycle comes after hers is done? She informed me today that hers stopped and when I went to the bathroom on my break guess who reared her ugly head? Yep. That b****. It was only a little (tmi, I know) could it be implantation bleeding? Let me not go there and get my hopes up. Ugh. Maybe SHE is the reason my sisters have been irritating the crap out of me. Thanks mom and dad for making me the oldest to 3 sisters. You guys set me up! Anywho the twins are going to be 18 in a few days ::gasp:: and it seems as though the older they get the more common sense they lose. Seriously, meet my halfway hon. Maybe it’s me and the fact that I have more life experience than they do. Nope, it’s definitely them lol.

7 more days until my birthday btw. Maybe it’s my realization that this is my last year in my 20’s (yikes!). But EVERYTHING and EVERYONE is on my last nerves! My inner monologue has been going something like this:

-      Oh my goooossshhhh why must he refer to himself in third person!???!!!??

-      Can she chew any louder??!!???

-      Why in the heck does DH have 4 pairs of shoes spread out in different areas of the living room?????!!???

-      Does that person KNOW HOW to drive or are they making up rules as they go along? MOOOOVVVVEEE!!!!!!

LOL. W.T.F Meli. Get a grip, a strong one. And a cocktail. Yes, go grip a strong cocktail! Then, go buy shoes.

And yes I published 3 posts today because I am trying to convince myself I am a semi-productive person :)

Get out of my head

Words. Thoughts. Hopes. Dreams. Regrets.

Over the last week I’ve been plagued and haunted by my own brain.

Wait, what? Yes! I have waaay too much going on right now in my head and I feel like I am going to spontaneously combust. Maybe it’s because I figured out blogging / counseling is what I want to do. OR because in 8 days I will be 29 and have realized I am headed to my “dirty thirties”.

IDK.

At least writing lowers the annoying sound of the constant inner monologue that seems to play all day in my head. I can barely focus when someone is talking to me. I literally sat on the couch last night with hubby watching re-runs of ‘The Office’ all the while writing fiercely. At one point hubby leaned over to peek. Right now my subconscious is wondering what the h-e-double hockey sticks is going on with my stomach. She’s not sure if it’s because we said eff it and drunk coffee and a breakfast essentials while munching on a calorie-loaded glazed donut or….could I be pregnant? That witch wonderful visitor is supposed to be showing up any day now. I know this not because I track it regularly or mark it on my calendar or have an app (which they do by the way called My Days - you're welcome avid trackers). I know because it comes right after my friend Teressa is done with hers. Funny right. Lately I have been extra tired, extra annoyed and feel like I am having an out of body experience. I mean, I’d love another baby. We aren’t officially trying, but we aren’t officially preventing either. We are like in between both of those. I feel horrid. My head could hit this table right now and my eyes would close with no protest. Matter of fact, I think I will give in. 15 minute power nap here I come!

My how things change....

Wow. I cannot believe it's been 2 years since that last blog post. So much has changed I do not even know where to start. So we did end up moving. The house is a blessing. There are some downfalls like the area it is in and the fact that the master bathroom doesn't have good ventilation. But other than that we have no complaints. We still have a year and a half left on the lease but we are looking to move on to bigger and better once we are done. 

Jr is so not a baby anymore but an obnoxious 2 year old with at-ti-tude galore. That kid never ceases to amaze me at how smart he is and how easy he grasps concepts. He currently loves Daniel the Tiger and SuperWhy and all things Toy Story or Shrek. He has a love for furniture moving as he insists on flipping his table and chairs as you can see the chair laying on it's side in the picture below lol.  He also stops to look at the TV every time a woman is on there. Seriously kid, you're two lol.

More posts to come my peeps.Until then check out my booboo blowing kisses to daddy :)